Resilience Isn’t Grit - What Most Leaders Get Wrong
Resilience Isn’t About Toughness. It’s About What You Do Next.
Resilience gets a lot of air time in leadership circles. It’s a word we toss around when someone pushes through adversity, works long hours, or gets back up after a setback.
But let me be clear: Resilience isn’t about how tough you are. It’s about what you do next.
I’ve coached leaders across industries and levels: Executives, founders, Olympians and both middle frontline managers - and here’s what I’ve seen:
The ones who appear the most resilient are often the ones running on fumes. They’re muscling through their days, carrying more weight than they should, and telling themselves this is what strong leaders do.
It’s not. That’s not resilience. That’s survival.
The Illusion of “Pushing Through”
There’s a dangerous kind of pride that comes with “toughing it out.” I’ve been guilty of this myself.
We reward it. We admire it. And we often mistake it for resilience.
But we think resilience is about how long you can hold your breath under water. When in reality, it's more about how quickly you come up for air, adjust your stroke, and learn to swim differently.
The most resilient leaders I’ve worked with don’t simply endure pressure, they respond to it.
They adapt.
They reflect.
They change course, not just wait for the storm to pass.
That’s not weakness. That’s intelligence.
The Real Definition of Resilience
Resilience is not endurance alone. It’s the discipline to adapt, the courage to reset, and the strength to keep moving forward when the outcome is uncertain.
It’s not reaction and not resistance. It’s a fully intentional response. And the truth is, that doesn’t come naturally to most people - especially high performers. High achievers tend to default to drive. To force. To “just get through it.” From firsthand experience, that works… until it doesn’t. It works until your team disengages. Until burnout creeps in. Until your family starts asking if you’re really present - even when you’re in the room.
Resilience Is a Practice
This is something I’ve learned the hard way - in sport, in business, and in life:
Resilience is a practice. Not a personality trait.
It’s built in moments when no one is watching.
When you pause before reacting to feedback.
When you choose to reflect instead of deflect.
When you truly recognize that success isn’t about perfection or the destination - it’s about progress.
It’s built in the quiet conversations you have with yourself. The ones that sound like:
“What’s really going on here?”
“What am I responsible for?”
“What needs to shift in me before I ask others to shift?”
Real resilience is forged when you choose growth in the moments you’d rather retreat.
The Resilient Leader’s Playbook
If you want to build real resilience, don’t start with mental toughness - Start with self-awareness.
Here’s a simple framework we use with leaders we work with:
Awareness – What am I noticing about myself, my team, and the situation?
Intention – How do I want to show up, regardless of what’s happening?
Exercise – What specific behavior or action aligns with that intention?
Reflection – What worked? What didn’t? What will I do differently?
Do this consistently, and resilience stops being reactive. It becomes proactive, it becomes a choice and part of how you lead intentionally, not just how you cope.
Choose Growth
Most people think resilience is about being unshakeable and I think it’s about being flexible. Unshakeable things snap under pressure, whereas flexible things bend, adjust, and adapt. The next time you’re tested… and you will be… don’t ask yourself, “How do I get through this?”
Ask instead:“How do I grow through this?”
That’s the kind of resilience that actually makes you stronger. And that’s the kind of leader the world needs now more than ever.
